I Can’t Say

You get to read your email everyday, check the endless list of any missed messages. You count the seconds of the loading scroll. Its eternal. The hope that the number in brackets (657) unread messages has changed to 658 or 659 causes a very strong adrenaline rush. There are 3 possibilities.

First possibility. You have a new message. Its important. It’s the answer you have been looking for. It’s the revelation of many days plans and energy. And the answer is positive. You jump from your sitting position in your work desk to almost reach the roof with your head. And a cool breeze of tears clears your face.

Second possibility. There are 10 new messages. The rush is again huge. You feel your blood pumping harder. Then a sudden drop makes you almost feel the pain of a heart tick going in the emptiness. You feel like a clock that tics but doesn’t change the time in the show. All 10 new messages are all useless offers, Reminders about friend request you already denied, parties you can’t go to because of the long distance. Damn it, by the way it looked, you were sure to get the mail you wanted. A deep breath, maybe tomorrow, or later this day.

Third possibility is somehow similar to the second one.  You sign in to your email provider and you wait for the loading timer. You wait for the screen to fill it self frame by frame and for your miserable fortune there is no new message, no unread message. You try your spam folder, and suggestion is you should do this every time. Sometimes even important emails get stuck in the spam folder if it’s from a new sender you have never had emails from. But, hey there is nothing there as well.